Savvy Mommy 7

Darla Shine, author of Happy Housewives answers the Savvy Mommy 7

1. For the moms at home right now with fear of getting “frumpy housewife syndrome”, what advice can you give them which may give them a dose of reality (like the one your mother gave you?)

When women give birth they often spiral into the frumpy housewife mode. It’s hard not to. With a newborn spitting up on you all day it’s hard to feel fashionable. Plus, most moms are so tired they can barely muster up enough energy to brush their teeth never mind apply lip liner. So many moms end up hanging around the house in their pajamas all day. I say this. Force yourself to brush your hair in the morning, at least put on lipstick and mascara and get out of the mommy-shlepp costume. Even if you wear a cute pair of sweats with a clean white tee shirt, and some cute flip-flops or clogs you will look presentable if that cute UPS guy shows up and you will feel better going through your day. Each day take another minute in the morning to fuss on yourself a bit. I used to drag the baby swing into the bathroom so I could shower. Shave, tweeze and apply some body butter and spend a few minutes pampering mommy.

2. Do you think many of the “whiny” moms who are at home and not a “happy housewife” just lack supportive husbands/families? Or did they have unrealistic expectations from the get go?

A lot of women end up becoming “whiny” when they feel like they are “stuck in a thankless job.” I think our society forgets that being home with a baby is the hardest and most important job. When women don’t take the time to fuss on themselves, let their homes get out of control, and don’t stay on a schedule, they soon find themselves overwhelmed. I say, stop whining, and get your act together. I try to help women do this with my ten step program.

3. How can happy current stay at home moms change the stigma against them that is floating around? (e.g. being a stay at home mom is less important than a mother who works outside the home.)

I think housewives everywhere have to start demanding respect. In my book, Happy Housewives, I say “Lift your spatulas girl” and what I mean by that is it’s time for stay-at-home moms to be proud. We are smart, multi-tasking women and together we can change the negative stigma given to housewives.

4. How can a new mother explain to her so-called friends that it really is the right decision for her to stay home and not return to work like they chose to do when they give her grief?

I am getting a lot of emails from women thanking me for letting them ‘come out of the closet.’ These girls were afraid or embarrassed to admit to her friends that they wanted to be home and not in the office. I do think there is a movement in this country and more women are trading in their briefcases for diaper bags. So, I would say to any woman who chooses her family over her career to be proud, to brag and to turn the negativity around. Tell your friends that you feel so lucky that you don’t have to work and that you get this great opportunity to be with your babies.

5. What advice can you give a mom who has just decided to stop working outside the home and will soon become a stay at home mom?

I have to say to all women who are leaving the workforce to go home full time that it’s going to be a tough transition. It’s hard to do the whole baby thing and feel like you are not being mentally stimulated. So, I suggest joining some mommy-groups so you could meet other women for adult stimulation, doing some part time work from home if you want, but mostly, forgetting about all the expectations you have on yourself to do it all. Just allow yourself to enjoy your time with your baby. Once I let go of my ego I finally got happy.

6. As a stay at home mom of two children, you don’t get sick days or vacation time, so how do you relax?

I have always found time to relax. You could put the kids on the floor next to you with a thousand wooden blocks and plop yourself on the couch with a cup of tea. Today’s moms I notice don’t use play pens. I say this, go buy one. I had my children in the playpen until they were almost three. I would let Connor play with his toys and I would read, surf the net or polish my toes. Also, and very important, on the weekends have your husband take the children to Grandma’s, the park, or out in the yard while you have time for mommy.

7. What are you reading right now?

Right now I am reading Kevin Trudeau’s Natural Cures and Hormones, Health and Happiness by Steven Hotze. I am really trying to stay healthy for my children and I am terrified like every mom that I might one day get the big C. So, I am obsessed with any health book I could get my hands on.

Darla Shine’s website