Savvy Mommy 7

Andi Buchanan, author of Mother Shock: Loving Every (Other) Minute of It answers the Savvy Mommy 7

1. In Mother Shock: Loving Every (Other) Minute of It you talk about the culture shock after the arrival of your first child. How did you preparefor your second child?

One of the most interesting things I came across in my reading on culture shock was the idea that travelers who prepare for the experience of culture shock actually suffer the effects of it less. I took that to heart as I readied myself for the arrival of my second child.

One of the things that helped me prepare was the fact that I was actually writing "Mother Shock" when I was pregnant with my second -- writing about the "shock" of new motherhood helped remind me that there is a learning curve to parenting, and revisiting that time in my life did, I think, help prepare me for what was coming next. Mostly, though, I took the things I learned about preparing for culture shock to heart. I talked to other mothers of two kids and really listened to what they had to say about what was their experience was like in transitioning from one kid to two. I spoke with a post-partum counselor *before* I had the baby, to lay the groundwork for support in the event that I had post-partum depression. In essence, I planned for the worst case post-partum scenario, and I tried to pre-empt as many of the things and situations that were extremely stressful the first time. Of course, I also felt more prepared due to the fact that I had my first experience with motherhood to guide me. But I also did a lot of work to make it possible for my second experience to be a bit easier. Writing the book and talking about motherhood as a theory of adjustment also helped remind me I didn't have to be good at mothering two kids all at once, and that I could work my way up to it.

2. As the mother of two, how are you able to focus on your writing? Do you secretly curse the thought of days off from school because it means you lose the few hours exclusively used to write?

It's definitely hard to find time to work, to balance mothering and everything else. My daughter is 6, and she's in school most of the day, but my youngest is only two and a half, and he's at playschool just three hours each morning. So I don't have much time to work solo. I work in the mornings, when I am entirely kid-free; I work during the rare afternoon nap my son might take; and I work at night, when the kids are finally, blessedly asleep. Basically, I have a very messy house, and I drink more caffeinated beverages than is probably healthy.

3. How did you feel when you held the final manuscript of "Mother Shock" in your hands?

Writing the book was a heady thing: it was due to the publisher the same day as Nate was due to be born, and by the time the contract was signed, I had about 8 weeks to write the thing -- in three-hour increments, as Emi was in playschool for three hours a day then, just as Nate is now. I got it written, turned it in to my editor, and had the baby, all on schedule. I was about two months post-partum when my editor sent me the final manuscript, all laid out and ready for publication. I was still in a bit of a post-baby haze when I went through it, double-checking for typos and getting ready to sign off on the book. I still remember sitting in the cafe where I had worked on the book and having a bit of a "pinch me, I'm dreaming" moment as I read through the pages. Could I have really written a book? And, more disturbing: Oh my god -- were other people really going to read it?

4. Your new book, It's a Boy: Women Writers on Raising Sons, will be released in November. Why do you think expecting a boy, after having had a girl, receives such an odd reaction from friends, family and even nosystrangers on the street?

I'm not sure! That was one of the reasons I wanted to do this anthology -- to explore what it was about boyness, the way that people seem to value boys (at least as babies), and what it means to be the mother of a son.

5. Now when an expectant or new mother walks into a bookstore the number of "mommy memoirs" available in the pregnancy and humor sections has grownsignificantly. Do you think that being grouped together (like how "chicklit" has been grouped) could be considered a negative thing?

Only when that grouping is used to dismiss the subject matter or the writers themselves. Actually, I'm glad to see so many books on the shelves. Mothering is a very personal story, and I'm happy it's being told in so many different voices.

6. What post partum advice do you give expectant mothers?

Ask for help. Ask for help. Ask for help. Seriously -- ask for help. Also, nothing last longer than three months, not the worst of it, not the best. So "this too shall pass" is an excellent mantra -- and really true, so that's a nice bonus.

7. What are you currently reading?

I'm a very eclectic reader. I just finished Lucy Grealy's excellent Autobiography of a Face and I'm about to read William Gibson's Pattern Recognition and a book called Sickened: A Memoir of a Munchausen by Proxy Childhood I recently read The Great Influenza about the flu pandemic in the 1920s; a hilarious and also sweet book called The Know-It-All: One Man's Humble Quest to Become the Smartest Person in the World by AJ Jacobs; Melissa Bank's The Wonder Spot ; and a book that's now one of my all-time favorites and has replaced Three Junes as the book I foist on everyone as a must-read: Dan Chaon's You Remind Me of Me

Andrea J. Buchanan's website