Parenting Advice

Behavior and Discipline
Contributing Writers - Jill Spivack, LMSW and Jennifer Waldburger, LCSW, authors of The Sleepeasy Solution : The Exhausted Parent's Guide to Getting Your Child to Sleep

Whenever a young child learns to do something new - roll, crawl, walk, talk - it's like winning the baby lottery. "Yippee!" she thinks. "I can do this amazing new thing and it's all I want to do! Who has time for sleep?" If you learned to flap your arms and fly today, it would probably be much more difficult for you to sleep at night too!

Most major milestones in childhood are a double edged sword; on the one hand, your child will be incredibly revved up with excitement about her newfound abilities; on the other hand, this leap forward developmentally, particularly if it involves moving her body in a new way, can make her feel clingier than usual. This excitement/anxiety phenomena can often cause some temporary (but frustrating) sleep problems.

What to do when sleep gets bumpy?

1. It's important to give your child plenty of floor time to practice her new skills, to feel her independence, to explore and move her body, and to help her become physically tired enough to sleep when it's time. This is not the time to confine your child in a stroller, car seat or highchair for long periods: that's torture for her. She needs to be able to enjoy her new skills during the day so she'll be more willing to relax into sleep at night.
2. Your child may begin to cry at bedtime more than usual because she's suddenly concerned about separating from you while she's taking giant steps forward in her development. If your child is clingier during the day, it's important before separating at night to add an extra 10 to 15 minutes to your wind-down routine so you can give your child lots of extra holding, cuddling, and lap-time. Ideally, you'll spend a good deal of time in your child's room during the day, so she doesn't only view it as a place that she separates from you. If she wakes in the night and you've seen evidence that she's very anxious during the day, go to her, give her a quick hug, calm her down and then try to encourage her to go back to sleep.
3. If your child is resisting naps right at the time she's learned a new skill, you may want to do some naps in the car or stroller to assist her to sleep, temporarily. It's most important to avoid letting her get overtired as this can potentially wreak havoc on her nighttime sleep as well. An overtired child will have a more difficult time falling asleep, staying asleep and sleeping till a reasonable time in the morning.

Know that the excitement your child is experiencing around a developmental milestone will continue for 1 to 2 weeks and will calm down thereafter. If your child is still having difficulty sleeping at night, it's time to encourage her to put herself back to sleep rather than continuing to rely on your assistance. In the meantime, delight in your child's accomplishment and try to hang in there.

If you have a question or comment about this article, send an email. Remember to include your first name, city and state.