Parenting Advice

Divorce and Separation
Contributing Writer - Carolyn Ellis, founder of Thrive After Divorce.

Parenting children and the divorce process are two of the most challenging, and rewarding, life experiences anyone can have. Single parents have both going on at the same time. The divorce journey may feel like a lonely road, but you are not alone. There are over 38 million Americans who are separated or divorced.

How do you take care of your children when you may be feeling overwhelmed, stressed out or that your heart is broken? Some single moms just want to "survive" or get through the divorce. Why not raise your expectations higher and see you and your children thrive after divorce instead. These key strategies will get you started!

1. Move Yourself to the Top of Your Priority List

Moms are typically great at taking care of everyone else's needs except their own. Healing from a divorce is more like a marathon, not a sprint. You need to take care of your physical, emotional and spiritual health. When your batteries run low, inevitably your children and your peace of mind pay the price. Eating well, getting your sleep, and making time for fun with close friends are steps in the right direction. If your child was hurting, you'd help her by showing some true love and compassion. Give yourself that same gift.

2. Ask Great Questions

Instead of asking "why me?", ask yourself "what can I learn from this?" Whether it was your choice to end the marriage or not; you were a participant in the relationship. Some of the greatest gifts in life are wrapped in our greatest pain. Get curious and stay open to learning what wisdom you can learn from your divorce.

3. Create New Traditions

Holidays, like Mother's Day, Memorial Day or Christmas, can re-open new emotional wounds if you're not prepared. Create new family traditions with your children. Have a picnic on Mother's Day that your children can help to organize. Start an "I Love My Mom" journal where each year your children express why they love their mom. They can decorate it and write their own messages. When you find yourself childless on the holidays, make plans in advance to be with friends, volunteer in your community or give yourself a special mini-vacation.

4. Keep Your Children's Best Interests in Mind

Too often children get caught in the crossfire between feuding, divorcing parents. Children should not become therapists, messengers or spies for their parents. Deal with your former partner like you would a business partner, but your business is raising happy, healthy human beings. If you have a complaint to make, take it up directly with your ex-spouse.

5. Trust Yourself

Everyone will have an opinion on what you should or should not do as a single mom, so expect to receive a lot of conflicting advice. Ultimately, you are the world's best expert on you, so being willing to trust yourself is crucial.

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