Parenting Advice

The First Year
Contributing Writer - Blythe Lipman, author of Help! My Baby Came Without Instructions

Your baby is a month old; she is sleeping 3-4 hours at a whack. You're feeling really good about being a mother; in fact, you are feeling great! You would love have a break to go get your hair cut, go to the bookstore, go out with your husband or just meet a friend for coffee. Can you relax enough to take that much needed time to be an adult? While the most wonderful thing in the whole world is to be a new Mommy, being a woman and an independent adult is just as important. You need to take care of yourself and balance your life and responsibilities.

Leaving your baby with someone other than you is one of the scariest things a new mother faces. You think of every possible scenario that could go wrong. My baby won't eat. She won't sleep. She'll fall off the changing table. The house will catch on fire. Some are well-founded and some arise out of pure fear! While these thoughts are very normal as this is all new. It is very important to put things in perspective. If you pick a caregiver that you are comfortable with and know will give your baby the best care, then take a breath, pick up your purse and have fun!

Here are just a few pointers to have you breathing easier:

Caregivers come in lots of shapes and sizes. You can hire a teenager, go to a professional nanny agency or just rely on your extended family. The most important thing to remember is to choose someone that makes you feel totally comfortable. A person that you know will follow your instructions and has had experience caring for infants.

Give very clear directions and write them down. If your baby is on a schedule, write down the times she has been eating, sleeping, etc and ask your caregiver is she has any questions.

Leave your caregiver some paper and a pen to record the times your baby eats, sleeps or has a soiled diaper.

While it is nice to have your baby on a schedule, make sure to leave some wiggle room if she decides to do something totally different today. As long as your baby eats, sleeps and is happy, it really doesn't matter. Formula tastes just as good at 11:00 as it does at 10:00.

Make sure to tell your caregiver what you do when the baby cries. Tell her if the baby likes the swing, bouncy seat or stroller. And if you have my book; "Help! My Baby Came Without Instructions," leave it out!

Tell your caregiver what your baby doesn't like. Some babies hate to be swaddled even if this always worked for her babies!

Don't forget to show her where you keep everything, clothes, diapers, burp cloths, etc. Or if it makes you feel better, lay an extra set of clothes, burp cloths, some diapers and wipes to make it easier.

Show your caregiver where the phones and the emergency numbers are located in your house.

Communicate your wishes. Tell your caregiver that it is okay if your baby doesn't drink the entire bottle or she can have extra formula if she needs more. Leaving choices up to her is sometimes upsetting to you because they will be different than yours.

If Grandma is the caregiver, try cutting her some slack and not getting defensive when she starts giving you unsolicited advice. She's just trying to help. Tell her she has great ideas but the baby is happiest following your schedule.

If Daddy is watching the baby for the first time alone, be clear and gentle. He wants to make you and the baby happy and not mess up! Have the schedule written down for him. The more details you give him the better he will feel. It's scary to be in charge of this tiny baby.

Leave your phone numbers in clear view, just in case.

Try and restrain yourself from calling more than once. I know it's difficult, but if your caregiver needs you, she will call.

If you are running late, do call. But chances are the first time out you will be out of breath from rushing to get home early!

If you arrive home and the baby is crying, try not to get upset and jump to conclusions. Nicely ask what is wrong. The baby sometimes cries when you take care of her, too.

The connection between you and your baby may be the most glowing bond in your life. It is important as she gets older to expose her to other caregivers besides yourself. It is important for her to learn to trust other people, a skill that will help promote confidence and independence as your baby blossoms and grows.

So take a breath, put on those dancing shoes, give your baby a kiss, and walk out the door with that glowing new mom expression knowing that you are taking care of yourself and your baby is in good hands.

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